What dosent kill you . . .

Sometimes life is more than you can bear, piling one pain on top of another. You want it to end. Your spirit bends and threatens to shatter under an immense load of bad thoughts, feelings, or events. The room is locked from the outside, and you can’t even find a door because the light fades. It’s dark and frightening.

Your strength is gone.

What to do now?

This mind, with all its anguish and desire for oblivion, is housed in a body that only knows one thing. Even when broken, at the extremes of pain and suffering, the body strives to go on.

No matter how many people surround you, depression is a lonely, solitary place filled with funhouse mirrors. Your world is twisted and distorted, pain reflected back from every direction.

The body can help.

Often we neglect our physical wellbeing when we feel low. We’re so caught up in mental and emotional battles that physical needs are just another burden to be dealt with.

Acknowledge those battles, and set them aside for now. Rather than being consumed by thinking and feeling, it’s time to do something practical.

You need to focus on survival. It’s strange but true; the mind comes to rest in a body that is usefully occupied. You need both working together to feel better.

First Things First

• Get clean. Shower, wash your hair and brush your teeth. Then make your bed. These will give you a sense of achievement early in the day. If the day doesn’t go so well, you’ll have a tidy bed to come back to.

• Get dressed in fresh clothes. Wear something soft against your skin according to the temperature. Put on warm socks if you’re cold.

• Drink water. Cold, hot with lemon, tea, coffee, hot chocolate, whatever appeals. Then, drink more water regularly through the day. Even mild dehydration causes irritability and fatigue.

• Eat something. Cereal, fruit, yogurt, noodles, whatever is available and easy. Missing meals can cause periods of low blood sugar, which in turn leads to symptoms such as anxiety, shakes, and brain fog. Eat little and often.

• Put on your favourite upbeat music to distract you from negative internal thoughts constantly running though your head. Wearing headphones can also help. You might prefer the radio, but avoid news programmes. The relentless focus on bad news stories is not helpful right now.

• Some or maybe all of your environment is out of control, mirroring your internal state. Pick a room where you spend a lot of time. Start in one corner and tidy up. Wash dirty dishes, put on laundry, and take out the trash.

• When feelings arise about the process, note them and keep going. Remember this is practical, not emotional. You can write them down which allows your brain to let go. Look at them when you feel calmer.

• If someone has offered their support and you feel able, ask them to keep you company and/or help you. Sometimes we don’t need someone to hold our hand as much as we need them to tidy the kitchen we can’t face any more.

• Go outside. Breathe fresh air, turn your face to the sun, stand barefoot on the grass and connect. If weather or other issues prevent this, open a window for a few minutes. Bodies need oxygen and sunlight.

• If you are able, get moving. A simple repetitive task like cleaning windows, mopping floors, pulling weeds, or walking can all help. Sing along with your music. You’ll feel calmer and achieve something, and that’s a double win.

Hard But Not Impossible

You will be distracted by the pain. Tell yourself you will come back to it later and concentrate on the task at hand.

Don’t try to empty your mind of all thoughts. Mindfulness means noticing your thoughts, letting them go, and returning to one point of focus. Imagine thoughts are like clouds in the sky drifting past. Counting breaths or steps, reciting prayers or mantras, all help to still the mind.

Helping others can be very therapeutic. But we cannot give what we don’t have. So put on your own oxygen mask first. Practise self-care so that you’re in the best shape to face the world.

Remember we are all different, and YMMV. Try different things and see what works for you. Return to it when life gets tough, before things spiral too far downwards. Sometimes we sink deeper, and it takes more effort to climb out of the hole. Get to know your early warning signs, and act on them.

When you follow these steps you will find

• your body is comforted and nourished

• your environment is more restful

• your sense of control increases

• your mind is calmer

A break from pain frees up mental energy that can now be used to address the underlying issues, with professional help if needed.

I hope you find something here that helps you feel better. But if you don’t, if you really feel you can’t go on and ceasing to exist seems like the only way out, please stop and reach out.

The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.

Sometimes, just surviving another day is the victory. Let your body carry your mind until you feel better.